The answer is "paint more"

When things don't go my way in the studio, (which is more often than not lately), I become anxious. I get this deep feeling that something's wrong, that I'm doing something wrong. I ask myself "Why am I so bad at this, and what should I do about it?"

(I'm sure you can relate.)

I want the answer to be some of the following:

- Find another course (or three)
- Watch ten more video tutorials
- Switch mediums
- Switch subjects
- Sink into despair and contemplate giving up my art career

Sometimes I do all of the above. And sometimes it even helps a little, at least temporarily. (Except for the last one.) When the experience of being painfully not-up-to-your-own-standards becomes too unbearable, it can help to change things up, and it can help to see how other people do things.

But the only real solution - the one thing I must do to move forward - is to simply paint more. To log more hours in the studio. To waste my paper and art supplies. To paint through the discomfort and anxiety and feelings of humiliation.

It might sound simple, but it is the most difficult thing to do when you're conditioned to look for solutions outside of yourself. "I need more tips and advice." "I need better art supplies." "I need more inspiration." "I need to do something else."

I'm not even sure what I hope to find when I go online to try and troubleshoot my bad art.

Am I looking for that "one weird trick" that magically solves all of my water control problems?

Some cutting-edge new product perhaps?

Or do I think I can condition myself to paint like someone with 10 more years of experience, simply by watching their tutorials on YouTube? I might be able to imitate their exact brushstrokes and create a near copy of that same subject they're painting. But it doesn't translate to my own art practice. When I sit there with my own reference photo, I still make bad decisions, mess up my washes, and fiddle the thing to death. I don't have the instincts of a 10-more-years-of-experience artist. There's only one solution to that:

Paint more.

I don't want to hear it, because it sucks to be reminded of how far away I am from my goals. It sucks to mess up paintings and feel like a failure. And all of this painting takes time. There's never enough hours in a day to paint as much as I want and need. Even on those few days when I do allow myself to spend the whole day in the studio, I still go away feeling dissatisfied sometimes.

I'm trying to rest in this process. To be okay with it taking time. And there is a lot of solace in that simple solution. "Paint more", simply means "paint more", regardless of the outcome and even how you feel about it. "Paint more" is the only non-negotiable, the only thing guaranteed to bring you closer to your goals. Every hour of practice you log is a victory, even if the artwork was shit.

We don't really perceive our own improvement, because it's slow, non-linear, and full of ups and downs. We have bad art days, or bad art weeks, followed by sudden breakthroughs and winning streaks. But the improvement is still there. It is happening in the background. Instincts are forming inside of you. Muscle memories are growing. Each failed painting is an investment you're making into your growth as an artist. It might not feel worth it right now, but years down the line, all of your investments will add up.

You won't be able to point to any specific course, tutorial, or "one weird trick" that got you there. You just painted a lot.

What if it's really that simple?